Mississippi has Oil

Every time I start making a list about how devastating the oil spill is to the Gulf Coast, I get so overwhelmed and start to feel like someone I love dearly has died. You know that weight you get on your chest when sadness comes. We visited the coast in April. My little one kicked up her heels in the chilly waters. The beaches had never been prettier. We walked on the beach in Long Beach and Bay St, Louis. The sand was so clean having been scrubbed by big machines after Katrina. We find seashells that have been scrubbed smooth and seem chalky. I never want to keep them, because they don't look like real shells anymore. The girls bring them home anyway and I'll find them in my car or in the bottom of a tote bag. They think any seashell is pretty, but I have other ideas about the caliber of shell I want to go in my shell basket. I would give anything for those white chalky shells now.

Summer

It's here finally and it came to Georgia with a vengeance. It is so hot already! My mornings are nice-spent in the corner of a big old couch with a cup of coffee and my Bible. I've settled into some books I've had stacked up beside my quiet space. Francis Chan's Forgotten God and Crazy Love are kicking my butt. I don't even know how to respond to them, but I'm finding a willingness in my heart and peace as I've begged God to fill me with his Spirit and guide my every step. What are you reading?

Trusting God

My last month has been a blur. It is a haze of work and home with little snippets of joy tucked here and there. The chronic pain that I live with is at an all time high, so I tend to crawl inside my despair and hang out there alone and wait for the pain to pass. A little over a month ago, I found myself crying in my orthopaedic doctor's office. This led to a procedure last Friday which will hopefully provide some relief.
I'm currently reading Trusting God by Jerry Bridges and it is giving me some great insight into God's sovereignty and our response to adversity in our lives. The ideas I had conjured up about why bad things happen really weren't based on scripture, but based more on a Pollyanna idea of God's goodness. Those ideas worked for me for a long time until I asked God to grow me up as a Christian and I went all in. I like answers. I like looking back on past events and seeing a bigger picture that was obscured until all the dust had cleared. I guess I feel so miserable in my pain sometimes that I found some comfort in trying to understand what God was trying to teach me in it and that there was some grand purpose that God would reveal to me. It would all be made clear and I would have peace and I can hear a choir of angels singing as God reveals a glorious purpose for my suffering. Not! If I'm getting it, that is not it at all. What I need to be doing is nothing more than trusting-just trusting-not understanding.
God is sovereign-his ways are not my ways-his wisdom is beyond anything I can comprehend. I honor God by trusting him. My prayer needs to be God, I do not have to understand, I just trust you. It doesn't mean that I won't see God's purpose or he won't reveal the bigger picture to me; it just means that if I want peace, I need to stop trying to find comfort in understanding God's wisdom. I just need to trust that all things are for his glory and my good. "An unreserved trust of God, when we don't understand what is happening or why, is the only road to peace and comfort and joy." (Trusting God)

Psalm 131:2 I have stilled and quieted my soul.

I'm linking my attempt to unwrap my pain to Tuesdays Unwrapped over at Chatting at the Sky.

Still Busy

I'm still drowning in busy, but have found some truths to cling to during this season of being overcome with tasks. I love this scripture. I love knowing God will be my portion. Lamentations 3:22-24 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning;great is your faithfulness. I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."

My gratitude list continues:
41. walking on cold days
42. spinach
43. Baby Willow
44. new jeans
45. conviction of right & wrong
46. interruptions from God
47. my new hairdo
48. FCA
49. Christian parents at school
50. prayers of my little girl

Furloughed

I sit here looking at my life and wonder how in the world I made it to this point. My mind is filled with ideas for several different posts and I have not the ability to focus on any one in particular much less write anything that makes sense. The hours in my days seem to get stripped from me each day and I start the next trying to recall what needs to be handled on this new day that was put off on the day that has past. Did that make any sense at all? See what I mean? I hate busy. The only reason I sit this morning typing a blog post is that I'm furloughed from work, so I have an extra twenty minutes that I can do something with and maybe I won't feel too guilty over something else left undone.
Last weekend I was able to sit still and hear Lysa Terkeurst speak at a church in Roswell. I loved every second of it and didn't even mind feeling so raw at the end of the day. The photo with Lysa and me and flat hair is on my phone, so I'll have to post it on another day. (She has on a really cute sweater that may make up for my flat hair.)
On Sunday, my church had a guest speaker, Dave Edwards, and he made me laugh and I think I cried again.
My gratitude list continues:
31. snow in Georgia
32. God's way of speaking to me
33. the ministry of Lysa Terkeurst
34. Paul's story
35. Saints winning the Super Bowl
36. Christian friends at work
37. Valentine hearts
38. having a burden for my students
39. conviction to forgive
40. Tiramisu

Plan b & Renee Swope

My day started out very rushed with one thing or another making me take deep breaths and saying " okay, so let's move on to plan b". Plan a was just not gonna happen today. I would love to tell you that I am this wonderfully patient woman that handles curveballs without so much as a flinch, but it would be just a big ole lie. Today though I would like to humbly thank my heavenly Father for his gift of deep breathing and reminding me that my circumstances will pass, but his joy would stand firm through the challenges of getting a family off for the day.

I had read this earlier (before the morning got out of control) and had even printed it out and tucked it into my journal.
It's from Renee Swope's blog and it's simplicity really spoke to me this morning.

An strong oak or a puney pine?

Before Christ, I felt like a weak and wimpy pine tree. Tossed by the winds of my emotions. Defined by my circumstances. Uprooted by life's storms. Despair was my story.

But in CHRIST - I am rooted in God's love. With Christ I am...Strengthened by life's storms. Transformed by trials. An oak of righteousness, planted for HIS glory!

Because of Jesus, that is what we are...

They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the LORD for the display of His splendor. ~Isaiah 61:3

I'm linking this to Tuesdays Unwrapped over at Chatting at the Sky.This oak tree stood firm through the winds of Katrina.

A Bump

Last week I hit a bump. It made me quiver inside and I felt my resolve give in to ideas and thoughts that would only create distance if spoken out. I prayed and cried. I told God every angry thought I had about the situation and then I told him my biggest shame was letting a problem in this life rob me of my peace and joy. The weight in my chest eventually lifted and I chose to praise God and to trust him. "I have no hope but you I cried and in that moment something died". I grew a little that day.

Hebrews 10:35-36
Do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

I'm linking to Tuesdays Unwrapped over at Chatting at the Sky